Why you shouldn’t move to Asheville, North Carolina

The locals don’t want you there. Really.  Asheville, NC is one of the many cities on the rise.  And though it’s mostly managed to keep it’s odd hippie vibe strong the hipsters are coming. Oh wait, they’re already there.

Asheville has been attracting visitors for decades. Known for its sprawling music scene where local and traveling musicians come to perform at The Grey Eagle or Asheville Music Hall. If you’re looking for a show you can watch a burlesque performance on most weekends at The Crow & Quill or hit up an alternative night at the Odditorium.  

FYI, The Salvage Station is not a junkyard. But again they don’t want you there so in compliance with local laws many bars will charge you a membership fee that can run anywhere from one to ten dollars.

When you’re hungover from a night out, and you will be because all anyone does there is drink you should absolutely not order fried catfish adorned biscuits at Biscuit Head for breakfast. The thirty minute line out the door totally isn’t worth it. The same came be said for dinner at 12 Bones.

Hopefully the hipsters that have  already migrated don’t continue to drive up prices at thrift stores like Second Chances, a thrift store that benefits the Brother Wolf Animal Rescue. Totally not my favorite. And since you absolutely won’t be moving there you won’t need furniture from the Habitat For Humanity ReStore.

And stay the fuck away from the River Arts District! The Good Vibes Silo was not meant for your camera lens and you’ll never find Chicken Alley. Just stick to checking out the stained glass adorned graffiti under the bridge on Broadway, it’s next to the highway ramp so you can leave shortly after.

The people of Asheville don’t want you to move here. But after sharing a beer or two when you ask anyone where they’re from it’s usually DC, or Florida, or Massachusetts, often anywhere but Asheville. So consider moving to nearby Boone or Greensboro, or better yet move to Portland, Oregon.

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